Trying to walk through and figure out life without surrendering to the Lord is like being in a mansion, a maze more like; of many rooms, each with locked doors. Unsure which way to walk and through what doors to go. Constantly pulling on doors until you find an open one, stressed by the amount of “dead-end rooms” without another door to open. Worried about where you’ll end up or how long it will take you to “get through”. Continuing with much haste, missing out on little details; like a flower vase here or a painting there. Walking though life and discernment of vocation without submission to God’s beautiful will is not easy, you will not have an easy burden and each turn you take will lead down a dark hallway with no aid to help you know where to go… there may even be a staircase involved.
When I’ve surrendered to the Lord’s will, all is well with my soul. Where you are is the same, a mansion with many halls, but the Lord unlocks its doors and brings light into the dark. There is no magical pathway that appears, no direct route forward.
When your souls is given to the Lord He directs you gently and quietly, each moment at its own time. The “long run goal” in your life become only one thing, Love. To live by love, for Love alone. To love with your life and do as Love commands of you. Careers become a part of the moments you walk though.
Agh.. But how is it that a soul can feel so lost, yet know it is save within the beautiful arms of its Beloved? To feel lost, yet know that you are safely at home. To feel like there is no clear path, yet know you are walking on a beautiful one that leads to Love. How is it?
My Beloved holds me and leads me, yet I cannot see where He is going. I know that He is the perfect Lover of my soul. He shows His Love so simply. A simple Love, yet so complex that He steals my heart with His magnificence. A Love so pure that no blemish could ever be found. Such a true Love, that I long to become His; to love and serve Him with my entire body and soul.
Yet, how could it be? I do not know where He will take me. How is it that I could lay down my will and surrender totally to Him, yet not know what my future might bring?
And yet… I have done it. I have found the one whom my soul loves. I have surrendered my life to my Beloved and the desires in my heart are no longer my own, but they have become the desires of my Lord. I am totally His and all that I am belongs to Him. I cry out to the Lord “Do with me what you will!”
But how? How is it that a soul can be within her beautiful savior’s arms, yet have such worries about the unknown that lies ahead?
Agh, I don’t know, but that’s where I am. Held tightly in my Beloved Savior’s arms, yet I seem to keep my wandering gaze; always searching for the next step. Why, my soul? Why won’t you see the beauty in front of you? Why must you constantly search for “more” when the “more” you truly desire is holding you and loving you tenderly?
My brothers and sisters please, please pray for me! Pray that I might surrender this fear of the unknown and place my trust solely in my Beloved.